Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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