i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
