Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
