woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
