Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
