i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
