Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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