No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
