this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
