after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
