My first STD was from a foam party
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk is a universal language darling
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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