i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
