I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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