you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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