I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
