you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
