glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
