She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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