I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
