I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
