i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
