The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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