I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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