the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
