I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
