We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
that may or may not have been my penis.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
