this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
two words...techno handjob
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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