im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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