i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
