evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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