Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
