Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
