yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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