Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
