Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
