Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
