to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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