i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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