dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
