I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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