i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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