Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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