i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
