around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
