Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
