need another drink. this is the easiest way
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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