for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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