"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
