I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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