Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
