Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
