i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
