I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
