you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
