Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
