The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
